Carlisle the Clown
by shewhoshallwrite
Summary: Carlisle quits his job at the hospital. Why? To pursue his life long dream of becoming a clown. P.S. This was cowritten with Klutzygirl34 and P.S.S. We owe everything to Mountain Dew.
1. Chapter 1

**CPOV**

Once upon a time it was a rainy day in forks. Everyones favorite vampire family was just hanging out. Trying to avoid letting Emmett get a hold on any sharp objects. Your usual vampire day in forks. Their normal day, as normal as it can get, was interrupted when I entered the room. Everyone got quiet. Except for Emmett, who being Emmett bowed down chanting 'funny british dude' I turned to everyone.

"Now that you mention funny dude. I no longer work at the hospital."

"What!" Everyone shouted in unison.

"How will we pay for my obviously untreated shopping addiction?" Alice screeched.

"How will we pay for all my video games?" Emmett inquired.

"Why is Emmett using the word inquired?" Edward asked.

"Why is everyone being so stupid?" Rosalie asked in her indifferent tone.

"Will everyone just let me speak." I shouted. Making Emmett run behind a chair and begin bawling.

"The reason I no longer work at the hospital is because I have found a new life dream. To become a clown. I shall be known as C.C."

"What does C.C. Stand for?" Everyone asked.

"Carlisle the clown duh." I said, it was so obvious.

"CARLISLE HOW COULD YOU?" Jasper screamed running up the stairs. We all heard him go into his happy corner and he started sobbing.

"Look what you've done Carlisle! You know his phobia of clowns!" Alice said disapprovingly.

"Oh." Everyone said in unison.

"Uh, well Jasper I'm sorry…" Carlisle said sheepishly.

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELFISH? I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!" Jasper sobbed hysterically from upstairs.

Carlisle looked up the stairs and shrugged it off.

"Now my first gig is tomorrow at the zoo. I hope you are all supportive of my decision now excuse me I have a bow tie fitting to attend."

Everyone was quite until Emmett spoke up.

"Let's just hope he doesn't have a giraffe for lunch."

Then they all just looked at him funny as he burst out laughing.

"Wait a minute! I said something funny!" Emmett said happily.

"Now that kinda ruined it." Bella said.

"Way to ruin the mood Emmett." Alice added. Wait a minute! Shouldn't she be comforting Jasper?

"Esme! They're making fun of me!" Emmett complained.

"Oh Emmie dear, they are kinda right…" Esme replied softly.

"Score one for us!" Bella and Alice high fived.

Emmett ran up the stairs to join Jasper in the happy corner. You could soon hear the signs of a struggle.

"I'M IN MORE EMOTIONAL STRIFE THEN YOU ARE EMMETT! GET OUT!" Jasper shouted at Emmett.

"LIKE YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT STRIFE MEANS!" Wow. That was Emmett's big come back. And Emmett shouldn't be talking about not knowing what words mean considering he has the IQ of a pre-schooler. On a good day.

After a few more minutes of struggle, Jasper successfully kicked Emmett out of the happy place. Typical, Emmett can't win anything.

Emmett walked down the stairs and quietly sat down on the couch. Everyone looked at him. He pouted.

"Well I better be going, I don't want to be late!" I said excitedly.

It's not everyday that a man gets to live out his life long dream.

"Emmett why are you staring at the wall?" Edward asked.

"Sh. He is not a wall. He is Billy Bob Joe. He is my best friend and teaches me all I know." Emmett responded.

"Oh so you mean like in that movie the last mimzy." Bella commented.

"Yes that is my all time favorite. Billy Bob Joe knew that because he read my mind." Emmett said.

"Emmett you do know that is my job right?" Edward commented.

"No it isn't you just pretend because you are jealous of Billy Bob Joe. You ask him for all the answers." Emmett said.

"Okay Emmett we get it." I told him.

Then he got up and ran off screaming scary creepy looking british clown.

I just shook my head.

"Well I guess I am off to the zoo."

**Once again all credit goes to Mountain Dew.**

**And this was co-written with Klutzygirl34.**


	2. Chapter 2

**CPOV**

It's my first day at work, and I am soooo excited!

This has been the day I have been waiting for! Ever since I've seen the first clown, which was before Jasper and Alice joined the family…

_Flashback_

"_Please, Please, please don't tell Esme, Emmett! I'll do anything!" I begged Emmett. What more did the boy want? I was already on my knees!_

"_Anything?" Emmett asked evilly._

_Anything but that! "Emmett no…"_

"_Oh Esmeeeee!" He called looking me straight in the eye._

"_Yes Dear?" Esme asked sweetly. She still didn't know the real Emmett, the evil over-grown child Emmett. _

_I really didn't want to agree, but I had too. If Esme found out, then she'd rip me apart and burn the pieces!_

"_Emmett, you have a deal." I answered curtly. He immediately brightened up._

"_Thank you, Thank you, thank you Carlisle! You won't regret it, I promise!" He gave me a hug. Can vampires have multiple personality disorders? Because Emmett certainly does, one minute he's evil, the next he's acting like an over-grown pre-schooler, only without their IQ._

_I had to mentally get ready. Because tomorrow, I was taking Emmett to the circus._

Little did I know that would be the best and worst day of my life. It was good because I had gained a lifelong dream, but on the other hand knowing I could never fulfill it… until now.

_We arrived at the circus, and I was so anxious. What if Emmett did something to expose us as vampires? Or worse, did something completely embarrassing that Esme would never let me live down. _

_That's when I saw the thing that changed my life forever._

_It was a man, with balloons and children looking up at him with awe._

_Children never looked at me like that. They always seemed so scared._

_I watched the man for several minutes. He did a series of tricks and the children and Emmett clapped, and oh-and-ahhh at every one. _

_Who was this man and why was he doing it?_

_I went over to one of the parents and asked, "Who is that man?"_

_They looked at me and laughed. "Why that's the clown!" one of them answered._

_So he's a clown…_

I remember going home that night, Emmett had to carry me to the car, and researching the word clown.

It was then that I gained my lifelong dream of being a clown…

**Yay so is this story getting somewhere or what?**


	3. Chapter 3

**CPOV**

"WEEEE!" Jasper screamed.

"Jaz babe, are you okay?" Alice questioned.

Jasper hopped onto the floor off the couch and turned to her and started talking like a three year old.

"Yup Ali. I took my HAPPY PILLS! Now no scary clown will scare me!"

"Jazzy calm down. Please for me." Alice said jutting out her upper lip.

"MM. NOPE!" Jasper screamed in her face.

"Okay Jazzy how about for this." Alice said jutting out her boobs and swinging her hips. Trying to look seductive.

"Icky I no like that stuff. Its gross." Jasper said with a look of disgust on his face.

Alice started shaking with anger.

"CARLISLE! DID YOU GIVE JASPER A REFILL ON THE HAPPY PILLS?!"

Time to run.

–

I had a very important question. I was extremely nervous.

I stared at myself in the spoon waiting for him to come. I straightened my tie.

I looked at the box in my lap. It contained something very important for this evening to turn out well. If he denied me of it. I don't know.

I sighed with relief as he entered the restaurant dressed like James Bond.

He sat down.

"Carlisle what is so important we actually had to come to a food place."

I took a deep breath.

"Because," I got down on one knee, "Emmett, you are one of the funniest people I know. You helped me when I discovered my lifelong dream of becoming a clown. Although you may act like an overgrown preschooler that is just what I need in my life. Emmett will you do me the honor of.... becoming my assistant."

He gasped in surprise and I saw his eyes misting. Too bad he couldn't cry.

"Oh Carlisle of course!" He said in a high pitchy voice.

Then he picked me up and hugged me. Very tightly. As in so-tightly-i-may-be-questioning-his-sexual-orientation-if-not-for-Rose kind of tight.

"Emmett put me down."

"Okay."

I opened up the box to him showing him what it contained.

"Oh Carlisle its beautiful."

It was a pleather blue and yellow polka dot bow tie.

**We thought it would be fun to have Emmett be his assitant. Just for the record even we don't know were this story is playing out.**


	4. Chapter 4

I smiled into the mirror. I let out a sigh as I saw Emmett trying to squish his nose on.

"Oh Emmett. Should I just paint it for you?"

"NO CARLISLE I WANT THE SQUEZZY BALL!"

I backed up. Okay then.

"Okay Emmett. But hurry up we can't be late for little Billy's party."

"Okay Carlisle."

In the meantime with Jasper................ (APOV)

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!! IM ALL OUT OF HAPPY PILLS!!!!!!" Jasper screamed and burst into tears.

"Oh Jazz.... I dont really know how to put this.... but...."I didnt want to say I got rid of the pills. I looked around quickly for someone to blame.

"I'm sorry to say, but Be-" I was cut off by Edward's glare, and a vision of him burning my closet, "Emmett accidentially threw them out."

"He… He… what? HOW COULD HE?" Jasper cried running out of the room I assumed to find Emmett.

**EMMETT POV**

I was getting ready for my first day. It was nerve wracking. I straightened out my 'suit', when Jasper barged in.

"Emmett why did you throw out my…" then he started hyperventilating. Can a vampire do that? Looks like it. But Jasper has never been exactly normal though… he's what we call special…

Breathing heavily, "You… came… back..for…me. HELP HELP ME!!!" screamed Jasper while running out of the room.

I just shrugged. He'll have to get over it soon.

**(A few hours later…)**

"Hey have any of you seen Bella?" asked Edward. Oh dear, here goes over protective mode again.

"While you mention it, I haven't seen Jasper either." Alice replied. Doesn't really sound worried about her missing husband.

"Okay you look for Jasper while I look for Bella." Edward said.

**APOV**

I've spent almost an hour looking for Jasper and I still haven't found them. Looks like I have to go to Jasper's special room. That he doesn't know I know about. But really that's his fault, I mean come on I'm a kick ass psychic. Get over it.

"Hey Alice, any luck finding Jasper?" Edward asked.

"No but come with me." I said.

(a few minutes later)

We finally came to the door. We heard two voices. And Edward's Bella Senses were tingling. Which wasn't hard, I mean you could smell her a mile away, probably farther for Edward.

We opened it to find Jasper being comforted by Bella, with a mountain of Kleenex beside them.

"…And just ever since then I've been afraid of them. AND NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE UNDERSTANDS!" wailed Jasper.

"Oh Jasper its alright!" said Bella while jasper dry sobbed on her shoulder.

"Um, Edward I think we should just go…"

"I'm right behind you."

**Sorry we took so long :D But we had to think up what we were going to do... and we kept on losing contact. But we updated!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

CPOV

I nodded.

Better do what the wolf says.

I rather not be dog chow.

But if that happens I have my assistant to save me.

Now onto making this the best party of Billys life.

I hope we dont have a issue doing the obstacle course.

--

BPOV

Your kidding me.

How dumb are these bloodsuckers.

A obstacle course?

Are they blind or something.

Im in a WHEELCHAIR!!

Idiots.

I hope the pack mauls them for ruining my party by reminding me of the useless cripple I am.

Ill tell that to Jacob.

Bye bye birdy.

I liked that musical.

It was great.

Ill have to remind Jacob of that.

Im getting off topic.

Maybe I should say Bon voyage leeches.

**JAKEPOV**

Billy made his way over.

"What are those leeches doing at my party? they'll ruin it!" He exclaimed.

"I made sure they wouldn't, and if they do..." I made the cut the head off gesture.

They better do the best damn job....

**Well this cant end well.....**


End file.
